At most American funerals and memorial services, one or two people give the eulogy and others may be asked to say a few words. You might be an old friend, a neighbor, a coworker, a grandchild or a member of the person's church or club. You may have been asked to read a poem, or to speak at the cemetery after the service. Each of these is short, and each one works a little differently.
If you're giving the main tribute, the guide on how to write a eulogy and the eulogy template will help more. This page is for everything else.
Short tributes
A short tribute usually lasts one to two minutes. That's enough time to say how you knew the person and to share one story or memory that shows what they were like. It isn't enough time for a life story, and you don't need one, because the eulogy will cover that.
Start by saying your name and how you knew them, for example "I'm Gloria, and Bernice and I sang in the choir together for forty years." Then tell one story in detail. A specific memory, with a place and a time, is easier to listen to than a list of good qualities. Finish with a sentence to the family or a simple goodbye.
Write it down, even if it's short. Grief makes it easy to lose your place or to keep talking longer than you meant to. A printed page, or an index card in large type, keeps you steady.
Speaking at a celebration of life
A celebration of life is often less formal than a funeral. It might be held at a community hall, a restaurant, a park or someone's backyard, sometimes weeks or months after the death. The mood tends to be warmer, and families often invite anyone who wants to share a memory to come up and speak.
If there's an open microphone, it helps to have a few lines ready even if you weren't asked in advance. Keep it short so others have a turn. Lighter stories are usually welcome at a celebration of life, as long as they're kind and the family would be glad to hear them. It's still a time of loss for the people closest to them, so end on something sincere.
Words at a graveside
The committal service at the cemetery is usually short and led by a pastor, priest, rabbi or funeral director. Family members sometimes say a few words there as well, especially if the main service was held somewhere else or if only close family are at the burial. Graveside words should be brief, often under a minute. People are standing, it may be hot or cold, and everyone has already heard the eulogy.
You might thank people for coming to the cemetery, say one thing about why this place matters, such as a family plot or a hometown, and say goodbye. If the burial includes military honors, ask the funeral director when you should speak so it doesn't interrupt the flag presentation or Taps.
Reading a poem or passage
Families often ask a friend or relative to give a reading. It might be scripture chosen by the pastor, a poem the person loved or a passage the family feels suits them. Well-known choices at American services include "Crossing the Bar" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson, "Remember" by Christina Rossetti, and "Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep", which is usually credited to Mary Elizabeth Frye. Many families also choose the 23rd Psalm.
Before you read, say the title and the author and, if you like, a sentence about why it was chosen. Practice it out loud several times, because poems are harder to read aloud than they look. Read more slowly than feels natural and pause at the line breaks. When you finish, stay still for a moment before you walk back to your seat.
Speaking for a workplace or group
Sometimes you're asked to speak on behalf of a group: the company where they worked, a union local, a church committee, a veterans' post, a bowling league or a volunteer fire department. In that case you're speaking for many people, so it helps to ask a few of them for a memory before you write.
Say who you are and which group you represent. Explain briefly what the person did there, in words the family will understand, and avoid job titles or in-jokes that only coworkers would follow. Tell one story that shows how they were with other people. Then say something to the family about what the group will miss. If the group sent flowers, made a donation or has a tradition such as a moment of silence, you can mention it briefly.
Two short examples
The first example is a short tribute from a friend at a celebration of life in Macon, Georgia. The second is read on behalf of coworkers at a memorial service in Bangor, Maine.
Good afternoon, everybody. My name is Gloria Mitchell, and Bernice and I sang next to each other in the choir at Greater Hope Baptist for forty-one years. She was an alto and so am I, and she never let me forget that she could hold a note longer than I could.
I want to tell you about the Easter when the power went out in the middle of the second service. The organ stopped, the lights went off, and for about three seconds nobody knew what to do. Then Bernice started singing, by herself, in the dark. By the second verse the whole choir had come in, and by the end the whole church was singing. When the lights came back on, she sat down like nothing had happened.
That was Bee. If something needed doing, she did it, and she didn't wait for anyone to ask. She drove me to every doctor's appointment after my knee surgery. She brought a pound cake to every family in this church who ever lost somebody, and I'm sure a lot of you are remembering that cake right now.
Harold, Keisha, Marcus, she talked about you every single Sunday. She was so proud of all of you.
Bee, I'll keep your seat warm in the alto section. Thank you for forty-one years of friendship.
Hello, everyone. I'm Tom Gagnon, and I've been the supervisor at the Bangor post office for the last nine years. I'm here on behalf of all of us who worked with Dale.
Dale carried mail on the same route for twenty-six years. He knew which houses had dogs, and he knew which older folks on his route lived alone and might need someone to check on them. More than once he knocked on a door because the mail hadn't been taken in, and at least once that mattered a great deal.
Linda, Jack and Amy, the people on his route have been calling the post office all week to ask how you're doing. We miss him a lot. Thank you for sharing him with us.
Why they work: both speakers say who they are and how they knew the person, then tell one story or describe one habit in detail. Both speak directly to the family before they finish, and neither tries to cover the whole life story.
If you want help with a first draft
Speechmade can help with a tribute of any length. You answer a few questions about the person in your own words, and it writes a draft with AI from your answers only. You can change anything, and you can read the opening before you decide. For more full tributes, see the eulogy examples, or the guides for a eulogy for your mom, your dad and your grandma. If you're writing a card instead, see sympathy card messages.
Common questions
What is the difference between a eulogy and a funeral speech?
A eulogy is the main tribute, usually three to five minutes, that tells the story of the person's life. A funeral speech can mean any words spoken at the service, including a short tribute from a friend, a reading, a few words at the graveside or a tribute on behalf of a workplace or group.
How long should a short tribute at a funeral be?
One to two minutes is usually right, which is about 130 to 260 words. At a celebration of life with an open microphone, several people may speak, so keeping it short leaves room for others. Ask the family or the funeral director if you're unsure.
Do I need to introduce a poem before I read it?
A short introduction helps. Say the title and the poet if it's known. You can add a sentence about why the family chose it. Then read it slowly, pause at the end, and go back to your seat.
What do I say at a graveside?
Keep it brief, because people are standing and often outdoors. A minute or less is plenty. You might say one thing about the person, thank everyone for coming to the cemetery, and say goodbye. If a pastor or priest is leading the committal, check with them first.
Can I speak at a funeral if I am not family?
Yes. Friends, neighbors, coworkers and members of groups the person belonged to often speak, especially at memorial services and celebrations of life. Ask the family first, and keep your words to the part of their life you shared.