If a friend or relative is officiating, someone has to write the ceremony. Sometimes it's the couple and sometimes it's the officiant, and often it's a bit of both. The good news is that the structure is well worn. Guests know roughly what to expect, and once you have the order right, most of the work is choosing the words for each part.
If you're the one officiating, read the guide to officiating a friend's wedding as well. It covers getting ordained, the rehearsal and the paperwork. If the couple want a ritual in the middle of the ceremony, there's a separate page with a handfasting ceremony script.
The order of a wedding ceremony
Here is the running order most ceremonies follow. You can drop a section or move one, but keep the declaration of intent, the vows, the rings and the pronouncement in that order, because each one leads to the next.
- Processional
- Welcome
- Remembrance (optional)
- The couple's story
- Readings or rituals (optional)
- Declaration of intent
- Vows
- Ring exchange
- Pronouncement
- The kiss
- Presentation and recessional
1. Processional
The officiant is usually at the front before anyone else walks in. Parents and grandparents are seated, the wedding party walks down the aisle, and the bride or second partner comes in last. The officiant says nothing during the processional. When the music ends, you might invite guests to sit:
Please be seated.
2. Welcome
The welcome tells guests who you are and why they're here. Keep it to a minute or so.
Good afternoon, everyone. My name is [your name], and I'm [how you know the couple]. On behalf of [names], thank you for being here. Some of you have come a long way, and they are so glad you did.
This is also a good place to ask guests to put their phones away if the couple has asked for an unplugged ceremony.
3. Remembrance
If someone close to the couple has died, or can't be there, a short mention helps the family feel that person is included. Keep it to two or three sentences, and check the wording with the couple first.
We also want to remember [name], who would have loved to be here today. We know [he / she / they] would have been in the front row.
4. The couple's story
This is the longest part of the officiant's speech and the part guests enjoy most. Tell how they met and what you've noticed about them together, with one or two real details. Two to three minutes is plenty. Speak about the couple to the guests, and save anything embarrassing for the reception toasts.
5. Readings or rituals
A reading gives a family member or friend a part in the ceremony. Rituals such as a unity candle, a sand ceremony or a handfasting come here too. Introduce each one simply:
[Name], [the bride's sister], will now come up to read for us.
6. Declaration of intent
This is the "Do you" part, where each person states in front of everyone that they are marrying freely. In many places it matters legally, so don't skip it.
[Name], do you take [name] to be your [wife / husband / partner], to love and to support, from this day forward?
I do.
7. Vows
Couples either read their own vows or repeat short vows after the officiant, a line at a time. Some do both. If they are reading their own, the officiant only needs a cue such as "[Name], whenever you're ready." The guide to wedding vows covers how to write personal ones.
For repeat-after-me vows, keep each line short:
I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife / husband]. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, and to love you all the days of my life.
8. Rings
The best man, maid of honor or ring bearer hands over the rings. Each person places the ring on the other's finger and repeats a line after the officiant.
[Name], I give you this ring as a sign of my love and my promise. Wear it and know that I am yours.
9. Pronouncement
The pronouncement is the officiant's line that the couple are now married. The usual form in the US is:
By the power vested in me by the State of [state], I now pronounce you married.
Many officiants say "husband and wife," "wife and wife" or "husband and husband" instead of "married." Use whatever the couple prefer.
10. The kiss
You may kiss.
That's all it needs. Some couples prefer "You may now kiss your bride" or "You may seal your promises with a kiss." Step to one side so you're not in the middle of the photographs.
11. Presentation and recessional
The officiant presents the couple to the guests, and the music starts for the recessional. Check how the couple want to be introduced, since not everyone takes a new name.
Friends and family, it is my honor to present, for the first time as a married couple, [names].
A complete ceremony script
Here is a full script for a short ceremony. Rosa and Caleb are getting married outdoors near Asheville, North Carolina, and Rosa's uncle Miguel is officiating. Their faith matters to them, so the script includes a blessing and a prayer, without belonging to any particular church. The officiant's words take about eight minutes to say, and the whole ceremony runs to about twenty with the music, reading and personal vows.
[Processional]
Please be seated.
Good afternoon, everyone. My name is Miguel Herrera, and I'm Rosa's uncle. I have known her since the day she was born, and I have never been as nervous as I am right now, so please bear with me.
Rosa and Caleb, thank you for asking me to stand up here with you. And to all of you, thank you for coming. Some of you drove up from Charlotte this morning, some of you flew in from Albuquerque, and Caleb's grandparents came all the way from Pittsburgh. They wanted me to tell you how much that means to them.
We are here today because two people love each other and want to make promises in front of the people who love them, and in front of God. We are here to witness those promises, and to support them in keeping them.
Before we go on, we want to remember Rosa's grandmother, Lupe, who died two years ago. She would have been in the front row in a new dress, and she would have cried before anyone else. Rosa is wearing her grandmother's cross today, so in a way she's right here with us.
[Short pause]
Rosa and Caleb met four years ago at a Habitat for Humanity build in West Asheville. Rosa had signed up because her friend Dana dragged her there. Caleb had signed up because he actually knew how to use a nail gun. By lunch on the first day, he had shown her how to frame a window, and she had shown him that he'd put it in upside down.
He asked for her number on the way to the parking lot. She said she would think about it. She thought about it for about ten minutes, and then she texted him from the car.
I've spent a lot of time with these two since then, and here's what I've noticed. Caleb is the one who remembers everyone's birthday, including mine, which my own brothers can't manage. Rosa is the one who says what everyone else is thinking. When my wife was in the hospital last spring, Caleb mowed our lawn every week without being asked, and Rosa sat with her so I could go home and sleep. That tells you most of what you need to know about them.
Caleb proposed last fall at an overlook on the Blue Ridge Parkway, one they had driven past many times. He had planned to do it at sunset, but the fog was so thick that they couldn't see past the guardrail. He did it anyway. Rosa says she didn't notice the view, and I believe her.
They have a garden that is mostly tomatoes, a dog called Biscuit who is not very well trained, and a plan to finish renovating their kitchen before their first anniversary. I have seen the kitchen, and I'd give them two years.
[Miguel turns to the second row]
Caleb's sister, Meredith, is going to read for us now.
[Meredith reads 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. She returns to her seat.]
Thank you, Meredith.
When Rosa and Caleb came to see me about today, I asked them what they hoped their marriage would look like in twenty years. Caleb said he hoped they would still be building things together, and he didn't only mean houses. Rosa said she hoped their door would always be open, the way her grandmother's was. From what I've seen, they're already well on the way.
Rosa and Caleb, marriage asks a lot of you. It asks you to be patient on the days you don't feel like it, and to forgive each other more often than you'd expect. You won't always get it right, and you don't need to. You have your families, you have your friends here today, and you have your faith, which you both told me is the thing you lean on most when life gets hard. Keep leaning on it, and keep leaning on each other.
Now I'm going to ask you some questions, and I need a clear answer in front of all these witnesses.
[The couple faces each other]
Caleb, do you take Rosa to be your wife? Do you promise to love her, to care for her, and to stay faithful to her, from this day forward, for as long as you both shall live?
[Caleb: I do.]
Rosa, do you take Caleb to be your husband? Do you promise to love him, to care for him, and to stay faithful to him, from this day forward, for as long as you both shall live?
[Rosa: I do.]
Rosa and Caleb have written their own vows. Caleb, whenever you're ready.
[Caleb reads his vows, then Rosa reads hers]
Thank you both. May I have the rings, please?
[The best man hands Miguel the rings. Miguel holds them up.]
These rings are a sign of the promises you have just made. Wherever you are, they'll remind you of this day and of the person you made those promises to. Lord, bless these rings, and bless the two people who will wear them.
[Miguel gives Rosa's ring to Caleb]
Caleb, please place the ring on Rosa's finger and repeat after me. Rosa, I give you this ring as a sign of my love. With it, I promise to be faithful to you all the days of my life.
[Caleb repeats]
[Miguel gives Caleb's ring to Rosa]
Rosa, please place the ring on Caleb's finger and repeat after me. Caleb, I give you this ring as a sign of my love. With it, I promise to be faithful to you all the days of my life.
[Rosa repeats]
Let us pray together.
God of love, thank you for bringing Rosa and Caleb together, and for the families and friends who have brought them to this day. Give them patience with each other and kindness in the hard seasons. Fill their home with laughter and welcome. Stay close to them in the years ahead, and help them keep the promises they have made here. Amen.
Rosa and Caleb, you have made your promises to each other before God and before your family and friends. By the power vested in me by the State of North Carolina, it is my great joy to pronounce you husband and wife.
Caleb, you may kiss your bride.
[The kiss. Miguel steps to one side.]
Friends and family, it is my honor to present to you, for the first time as a married couple, Rosa and Caleb.
[Recessional music begins. The couple walks back down the aisle.]
Notice how little of this is fancy language. The story has a few real details, like the upside-down window and the lawn mowing, and the legal parts are said plainly so there's no doubt about them. Miguel gives each person the same promises word for word, which keeps things fair and easy to follow. If the couple aren't religious, you can take out the blessing of the rings and the prayer, and the script still works.
Tips for writing your own script
- Ask the couple what they want. Before you write anything, find out how religious the ceremony should be, whether they're writing their own vows, and what they want to be called at the pronouncement.
- Write for speaking. Use short sentences and read every line out loud. If you trip over a phrase at home, you'll trip over it on the day.
- Put the cues in. Square brackets on their own lines, like the example above, tell you when to pause, when to hand over and when to step aside. Share them with the couple and the wedding party at the rehearsal.
- Check the legal parts. Ask the county clerk what your state needs, and make sure the marriage license is signed and returned after the ceremony.
Help with a first draft
Speechmade can write a complete ceremony script with AI from your answers about the couple, their story and the style of ceremony they want. It includes cues for who does what, and you can read the opening before you decide and change any of it afterward.
More ceremony guides
Common questions
How long is a typical wedding ceremony?
Most ceremonies led by a friend or family member run between 15 and 30 minutes, including the processional and recessional. The officiant usually speaks for somewhere between 8 and 15 minutes of that. Readings, rituals and long personal vows add time.
What does a wedding ceremony legally have to include?
That depends on the state, and sometimes on the county. Many ceremonies include a declaration of intent, where each person says "I do," and a pronouncement by the officiant. Check with the county clerk who issues your marriage license to find out what is required where you are marrying.
Where do readings go in a wedding ceremony?
Readings usually come after the welcome and the couple's story, before the vows. If you have two readings, you can split them, with one before the couple's story and one after it. Give each reader a printed copy in a large font and tell them when to stand.
Who walks down the aisle first?
At many American weddings the officiant and the groom or one partner are already at the front. Grandparents and parents are seated, then the wedding party walks in, then the ring bearer and flower girl, and the bride or other partner comes last. Plenty of couples change this order, or walk in together.
Should the officiant print the script?
Yes. Print it in a large font, put the pages in a plain black binder and number them. A phone can lock or light up with messages at the wrong moment, and a binder also gives you somewhere to keep the vow cards and the marriage license.