Handfasting has become a popular part of American weddings, especially outdoor and non-religious ones. It's simple to do, and the couple get a keepsake to take home. It can also give a parent or friend a part to play in the ceremony.
This page covers the handfasting itself. For the rest of the ceremony, from the processional to the recessional, see the main wedding ceremony script guide. If a friend is leading the ceremony, the guide to officiating a friend's wedding covers getting ordained and the paperwork.
What handfasting is
Handfasting is a tradition with Celtic roots. Today it's used by couples of all backgrounds, whether or not they have any family connection to Ireland, Scotland or Wales. Pagan and Wiccan communities have their own handfasting traditions, which can be quite different from the short ritual most wedding guests see, so if that's your faith, follow your own practice.
In a modern wedding, the couple join hands and the officiant wraps a cord or ribbon around them while saying a few words about the promises they are making. The cord is tied in a knot, and the couple slip their hands out, leaving the knot in place. On its own, a handfasting doesn't make a marriage legal. It's a ritual added to the ceremony, like a unity candle or a sand ceremony.
Choosing the cords or ribbons
You can use a single cord, a single ribbon, or several ribbons braided together. Some couples buy a handfasting cord made for the purpose, and others make their own. A few ideas:
- Ribbons in your wedding colors, braided together the week before.
- A strip of fabric from a grandparent's dress, a family tartan or an old shirt.
- One ribbon from each family, so the cord brings both sides together.
- A plain cord in a natural fiber such as cotton or linen, which is easier to tie than slippery satin.
Some couples choose colors for their meaning, for example green for growth or blue for loyalty. That's fine if you like it, but there's no fixed list, so pick colors that mean something to you. About six feet is a good length for each piece.
How to tie a simple handfasting knot
Practice this at the rehearsal with the actual cord. It takes less than a minute on the day.
- The couple face each other and join hands. The easiest way is right hand to right hand, like a handshake. Some couples also join left hands underneath so their arms make a figure eight.
- The officiant lays the middle of the cord over the top of the joined hands, so the two ends hang down evenly on each side.
- Wrap each end under the hands and back over the top, crossing them as you go. Two or three wraps is plenty.
- Bring the ends together on top and tie a simple knot, the same first step you use for tying a shoelace. Tie a second one over it if you want it secure.
- Keep it loose enough for the couple to slide their hands out afterward. When they do, the knot stays tied, and they can keep it.
If family members are laying ribbons, have them come up one at a time and drape their ribbon over the couple's hands. The officiant then wraps and ties the ribbons together at the end. Keep the number small, as four or five people is plenty, or it starts to take a long time.
Where the handfasting goes in the ceremony
There are three usual places for it.
During the vows. The officiant wraps the cord while the couple say their vows, with their hands bound together. This works well with short repeat-after-me vows. With long personal vows it can be awkward, because the couple can't hold their vow cards.
After the vows and rings. This is the most common place. The couple have made their promises, and the handfasting seals them just before the pronouncement.
In place of rings. Some couples don't exchange rings at all and use the handfasting instead.
Tell the photographer when it's coming so they can be in position, and ask the officiant to stand slightly to one side so the camera can see the couple's hands.
Example handfasting wording
Wren and Ezra are getting married at a ranch outside Missoula, Montana. Ezra's aunt, Bev, is officiating. Their cord is three ribbons braided together, one from Wren's family, one from Ezra's, and one in the green they chose for the wedding. The handfasting comes after the rings, and the wording takes about two minutes.
Wren and Ezra have asked to finish their promises with a handfasting. Would you both please join your right hands.
[The couple join right hands. Bev holds up the cord.]
This cord is three ribbons braided together. The blue one came from Wren's mom, the gold one from Ezra's dad, and the green one is from the two of you. Wren braided it at the kitchen table last week while Ezra held the ends.
[Bev lays the cord over their hands and begins to wrap it]
With this first wrap, you promise to be honest with each other, and to say the hard things kindly.
With this second wrap, you promise to share the work of your life together, from the ranch chores to the bills and everything in between.
With this third wrap, you promise to make room for each other to grow, and to be glad for each other when you do.
[Bev ties the knot]
Wren and Ezra, your hands are now bound together, and the promises you've made today are yours to keep. On the days when things are easy, it will be simple. On the days when things are hard, remember this afternoon, and remember that your families were here and wanted this for you.
Now please slide your hands free, and keep the knot tied.
[The couple slide their hands out. Bev hands them the tied cord.]
Take this home and hang it somewhere you'll see it.
You can change the promises on each wrap to suit the couple. Keep each one to a single sentence so the officiant isn't talking while standing still with the cord half-wrapped. If family members are laying ribbons, the officiant can name each person as they come up instead.
Help with the whole ceremony
Speechmade can write a complete ceremony script with AI from your answers, with the handfasting in the right place and cues for who does what. Mention the handfasting when it asks about rituals, and you can read the opening before you decide.
Common questions
Is a handfasting legally binding?
Not on its own. In the US, a marriage is legal when the state's requirements are met, which usually means a marriage license, an officiant and whatever the ceremony must include. A handfasting is a ritual you add to the ceremony. Check with the county clerk what your state requires.
How long should a handfasting cord be?
About six feet is a good length for one cord. That gives enough to wrap around both hands two or three times and tie a knot, with ends left over to hang down for the photographs. If you are braiding several ribbons together, cut each one a little longer, because braiding shortens them.
Can a handfasting be religious?
It can be, or not. Many couples use it in non-religious ceremonies, and others add a blessing or a prayer while the cord is wrapped. Pagan and Wiccan couples often have their own handfasting traditions, so if that is your path, follow the wording that fits your practice.
Who ties the knot in a handfasting?
Usually the officiant wraps the cord and ties it. Some couples ask parents, grandparents or friends to lay a ribbon each over their hands first, and the officiant ties them all together at the end.