Wedding toasts: who speaks, in what order, and what to say

If you've been asked to give a toast at a wedding, you're in good company. Most people who stand up at a reception have never given a wedding speech before, and the guests know that. They want to hear something warm and personal about the couple, and they want it to be short enough that dinner doesn't get cold. This page covers how toasts work at a US wedding, so you know where you fit in and what's expected of you.

Who gives a toast at a US wedding

There's no fixed rule, but most American weddings follow a similar pattern. The two main toasts come from the maid of honor and the best man. Around them, a few other people often say something. A typical reception might include:

• A welcome from the hosts. Traditionally this is the father of the bride, since the bride's family used to pay for the wedding. It might also be both of her parents, her mom, or the couple themselves.
• The maid of honor (or matron of honor, or man of honor), who speaks about the bride.
• The best man (or best woman), who speaks about the groom.
• A thank-you from the couple, sometimes, near the end, to thank their families and guests.

The maid of honor and best man can go in either order. Some couples like the best man to go last because his stories tend to be louder, and others put the maid of honor last so the toasts end on something more heartfelt. Two brides or two grooms will often have two maids of honor or two best men, and the order is simply whatever the couple choose.

Each role has its own guide. The father of the bride speech covers the welcome toast, the mother of the bride speech is for moms who give the welcome or a toast of their own, and there are full guides to the maid of honor speech and the best man speech.

The rehearsal dinner

A lot of wedding toasts happen the night before the wedding. After the ceremony rehearsal, the wedding party, close family and often the out-of-town guests go to a dinner together. The groom's parents traditionally host it, so the father or mother of the groom usually welcomes everyone. After that, the floor is often open for short toasts from friends and relatives.

Because it's smaller and more relaxed, the rehearsal dinner is a good place for family stories and for people who won't have a turn at the reception. Many fathers of the groom give their main toast here. The rehearsal dinner speech guide has two full examples, and the father of the groom speech page covers both the rehearsal dinner and the reception.

How to give a toast

The mechanics are simple once you know them. The DJ or emcee will introduce you, or the person before you will hand you the microphone. Stand up so people can see you. If you're at a table, walk to the front or wherever the microphone stand is, and hold the mic a few inches below your chin so your voice carries without popping.

You don't need to tap a glass with a knife to get attention. The DJ will usually quiet the room for you, and tapping a rented glass is a good way to break it. Wait until people have stopped talking before you begin.

Keep your glass at your table or in your free hand while you speak, and pick it up at the end. When you get to the toast itself, ask everyone to raise their glasses, say the couple's names clearly, and take a sip. The guests drink with you. Traditionally the couple stay seated and don't drink when they are the ones being toasted, although many couples raise their glasses anyway. Guests who don't drink alcohol can raise whatever is in front of them, and nobody should feel they need champagne to join in.

Wedding toast wording examples

The hardest parts to word are often the opening and the final line. Here are some examples you can adapt. They are written for different speakers, so swap in your own names and details.

For a welcome from the hosts:

• Good evening, everyone. I'm Glenn, Whitney's dad. On behalf of Carol and me, thank you all for being here, and a special welcome to Sam's family, who drove all the way from Ogden this morning.
• Hi, everyone. For those who haven't met us, we're Rosa and Luis, Elena's parents. We're so glad you could all make it, and we promise to keep this short, because the tacos are ready.

For the maid of honor or best man:

• Hi, everyone. I'm Tessa, and I've been Lindsey's best friend since we shared a bunk at church camp in fifth grade. She snored then and I'm told she still does, so Ryan, I'm sorry.
• Good evening. My name is Jamal and I'm Cody's older brother. I've known him his whole life, which means I have a lot of material, and I've been asked to use about four percent of it.

For the final toast:

• So would you all please raise your glasses. To Whitney and Sam.
• If everyone could raise a glass with me, to the two of them, and to many more nights like this one.
• Please join me in a toast to my brother and his husband. To Cody and Nate.
• Would everyone please stand and raise your glasses to the newlyweds.

Keep the final line short so the room knows exactly when to drink.

What to put in a wedding toast

Most good wedding toasts follow the same basic shape, whoever is giving them. Introduce yourself and say how you know the couple, because half the room won't know. Tell a story or two about the person you know best, chosen to show what they're like. Then turn to the couple and say something specific about them together, such as when you first saw them as a pair or something you've noticed since. Finish with the toast.

Use stories where you can. Saying the groom is loyal is fine, but telling people he drove four hours to Traverse City in a snowstorm to help you move says more. Keep the stories kind. Leave out exes, the bachelor or bachelorette party, anything about drinking too much, and in-jokes that only three people will understand.

If you're one of the couple and writing your own vows, the wedding vows guide can help.

How long a wedding toast should be

These are based on about 130 words a minute, which is a comfortable speaking pace. Put together, the toasts at a reception should take about 15 minutes. Once they go much past 20, guests start looking at the bar.

Working with the DJ or emcee

At most American receptions the DJ or bandleader acts as emcee. They announce the couple's entrance, the first dance and the cake cutting, and they introduce each person giving a toast. Toasts usually come after the entrance and first dance, often once guests have their salads or have finished dinner. The couple and their planner decide the timing, and the DJ keeps things on track.

A few things help the evening run smoothly:

• Ask the couple or the planner when you're speaking and who goes before you.
• Tell the DJ how you'd like to be introduced, with your name and how you know the couple.
• Find out whether you'll use a handheld or a stand microphone, and where you'll stand.
• Make sure there's something in your glass before you're called up. Servers usually pour champagne just before the toasts.

If you want help writing yours

Speechmade writes a first draft of any of these toasts with AI, from your own answers about the couple, and you can change as much of it as you like. If you're writing a card for the couple too, there's help with wedding card messages.

More wedding toast guides