Being asked to be best man is a big compliment. The groom is trusting you with the rings on the day, and with a microphone in front of his new in-laws. The toast is the part most best men worry about, and it's the part guests remember. It helps to know that the room wants you to do well. Everyone there likes the groom, and a decent story told warmly will get a laugh.
This page covers the whole thing. If you'd like to see some finished speeches first, there are four full best man speech examples, and the best man speech template lets you fill in the gaps section by section.
How the toasts work at an American reception
At most US weddings the toasts happen at the reception, after the couple has made their entrance and people have found their tables. Some couples have them as soon as everyone sits down, and others wait until dinner has been served. The father of the bride often gives a short welcome toast first, especially if the bride's family is hosting. Then come the two main toasts, from the best man and the maid of honor.
There's no fixed order between you and the maid of honor. Often the best man goes first, but plenty of couples do it the other way round. The DJ or band leader usually introduces each speaker and hands over the microphone. Find out the order a few weeks before, and get in touch with the maid of honor so you don't both tell the story of how the couple met. The wedding toasts guide covers the full order, including parents and anyone else who's speaking.
The groom's family traditionally hosts the rehearsal dinner the night before, and the best man is sometimes asked to say a few words there too. That toast is shorter and more relaxed, and the rehearsal dinner speech guide has advice on it.
How to structure a best man speech
Most best man toasts follow a shape guests will recognize:
- Introduce yourself. Say your name and how you know the groom. Half the room won't know you.
- How you met. A short story about meeting him, with one detail that shows what he was like even then.
- Stories about the groom. Two or three stories that show what he's like. This is where most of the laughs come from.
- The couple. Talk about his partner by name. Say when you first met them, what you noticed about him once they were together and what they're like as a couple.
- The toast. Ask everyone to raise a glass, and say both names clearly.
You can open with a quick thank-you to the hosts or to the couple for asking you, but keep it to a sentence. The father of the bride has usually done the formal thanks already.
Stories to tell
Start by writing down everything you can remember about the groom, from the day you met to the last thing he did that made you laugh. Then ask around. His mom, his siblings, his college roommates and his coworkers all know a side of him you don't. A quick text asking "what's the one story you'd tell about him?" will give you plenty to work with.
Pick stories that show something true about him. If he's the friend who is always late, find the best example of it. If he's the one who helps everyone move apartments, find the time he helped you. A story works when it happened somewhere specific and has a detail people can picture, like the name of the diner or what he ordered. Aim for one story that gets a laugh and one that shows his kinder side.
Stories to leave out
The best man toast has a reputation for going wrong, and it's nearly always for the same reasons. Leave out:
- Exes, or any story that involves one
- Details from the bachelor party beyond the harmless ones
- Stories about drinking too much or getting sick
- Jokes about his partner, their family or marriage being a trap
- In-jokes from your fantasy football league that nobody else will follow
- Swearing, unless you know for sure the couple is happy with it
- Jokes you found online and are passing off as your own
A simple test is to ask whether you'd tell the story with his grandma sitting next to you. At the reception she probably will be.
Tease him kindly
The groom expects some teasing, and guests enjoy it. Keep it to harmless things, like his cooking, his golf game or his loyalty to a losing team. If a joke would only be funny because it makes him look bad, cut it.
How long to speak for
Aim for three to five minutes. That's about 400 to 650 words at a steady pace, with a little time for laughs. Guests are usually eating or waiting to eat, and the dance floor is waiting too, so they'll start to drift after about six minutes however good the stories are. Read your draft out loud and time it. If it runs long, cut a whole story before you start trimming sentences.
Delivering it
Practice the speech out loud several times in the week before, at least once in front of someone who knows both families. Change any sentence you stumble over. On the day, print it in a large font or put it on cue cards. A phone works, but it can lock or light up with messages at the wrong moment.
Go easy on the drinks until after you've spoken. There's usually a cocktail hour and an open bar before the toasts, and one drink too many shows up fast once you're holding a microphone. When you stand up, wait for quiet, then speak more slowly than feels natural. Pause after a joke so people have time to laugh, and look up at the couple now and then.
The toast
Finish by asking the room to raise their glasses, and say both names so everyone knows when to drink. For example: "So please raise your glasses to Alicia and Jamal." If you're toasting two grooms, use both names in the same way. Then take a sip, hand back the microphone and go and enjoy your dinner.
Best women and two best men
Plenty of grooms now ask a sister or a close female friend to be their best woman, and the toast works in exactly the same way. Some grooms have two best men, often a brother and an old friend. If you're sharing, agree who tells which story and who gives the final toast, and keep the total to about one speech's length.
A best man speech example
Chris and Jamal played on the same high school football team in Dayton, Ohio, and later shared an apartment in Columbus while they were at Ohio State. Jamal is a civil engineer, and he's marrying Alicia, an elementary school teacher. Chris wanted one funny story and one that showed how much Jamal looks after his friends.
Good evening, everyone. For those who don't know me, I'm Chris, and I've been Jamal's best friend since we were fifteen. Thank you to Alicia's parents, Denise and Carl, for hosting tonight, and to Jamal and Alicia for asking me to be up here.
Jamal and I met on the football team at our high school in Dayton. On the first day of practice, the coach asked if anyone had questions. Jamal put his hand up and asked for a copy of the playbook to take home. Nobody had ever asked for the playbook. Coach looked at him like he'd asked for a raise. By the end of the season Jamal knew every play better than the quarterback did, and the quarterback was me.
He's been that way ever since. Jamal is a civil engineer, and he cannot walk past a bridge without telling you how it holds up. When we shared an apartment in Columbus, he spent an entire weekend building a shelf for my record collection. He drew up plans. There was a level involved. That shelf has since survived three moves and is the only piece of furniture I own that has never wobbled.
He's also the most loyal friend I have. Four years ago I lost my job right before Thanksgiving. Jamal didn't make a big speech about it. He just showed up at my door with a pie from his mom, helped me rewrite my resume at my kitchen table and called me every Monday until I found something new.
Then he met Alicia. He told me about her after their first date, at a taco place in the Short North, and the first thing he said was that she'd beaten him at trivia. I knew then he was in trouble. Alicia, you're smart and kind, and you're the only person I've ever seen get Jamal to leave a museum before closing time. You two make each other laugh constantly, and he's never been happier.
Jamal, thank you for being the kind of friend who shows up. I'm proud to be standing next to you today.
So everyone, please raise your glasses to Alicia and Jamal.
Chris's speech works because each story has a detail people can picture, like the playbook and the shelf with the level. The story about losing his job shows Jamal's loyalty without getting heavy. The part about Alicia is short and specific, and it gives her parents something to smile about. If you're giving your toast alongside the maid of honor, the maid of honor speech guide shows what she'll be covering.
More best man guides
Common questions
When does the best man give his toast?
At the reception, usually once dinner is served or between courses. The father of the bride often welcomes everyone first, and then the best man and the maid of honor give the two main toasts. Which of you goes first depends on the couple, so ask them or the DJ.
How long should a best man speech be?
About three to five minutes, which is roughly 400 to 650 words. Guests are often hungry or waiting for the first dance, so a tight speech goes down well.
Can a woman be the best man?
Yes. Plenty of grooms ask a sister or a close female friend, who is often called the best woman. The toast and the structure are the same.
Should I mention the bachelor party?
You can mention that it happened, and a harmless detail can get a laugh, such as the groom losing at mini golf. Leave out anything involving drinking too much, other people or anything his partner didn't already know about.
Can I use AI to write my best man speech?
Yes. Speechmade writes a first draft with AI from your answers about the groom and his partner. You see the opening before you decide, and you can change any line so it sounds like you.