How to write an obituary

Writing an obituary often falls to one person in the family within a day or two of a death, while there are many other things to arrange. It can feel like a big task, but most obituaries follow the same simple order, and once you know what goes where, it becomes a matter of filling in the details. Nobody reading it expects fine writing. They want the facts to be right, and they want to recognize the person.

If you would like a structure with the gaps marked, the obituary template has one with wording options for each part. There are also full obituary examples of different lengths, for different lives.

Who writes it

Most obituaries are written by the family, often by an adult child or a spouse, sometimes with brothers and sisters each adding a paragraph. Funeral directors write or tidy up obituaries for families every week, and many will help with the wording, check the service details and submit it to the newspaper and their own website for you.

Before you start, gather the facts you will need: the person's full legal name and any nickname or maiden name people knew, their age, the towns they lived in, the names of close family, and the service arrangements. Check the spelling of every name with someone else in the family. Names are the part readers look at most closely, and the part families most often want corrected after printing.

What goes in an obituary, in order

Most US obituaries follow the same order. You don't have to include every part, but keeping to this order makes the obituary easy for readers to follow.

1. The announcement

The first sentence gives the person's full name, their age and their town, and says that they have died. Many families add the date of death, but that's up to you, and you can leave it out. You might also say where they died, for example at home or surrounded by family. For example: "Margaret Ellen Sutter, 86, of Grand Island, Nebraska, passed away peacefully at home, surrounded by her family."

2. The life story

Next comes a short account of their life, usually in the order it happened. Include where they were born and grew up, any school or college that mattered to them, military service, work, marriage and the places they lived. Then add a few lines about what they were like and what they loved, such as their faith, their garden, the team they followed or the church supper they never missed. Specific details bring an obituary to life far more than general words like "kind" and "loving" can on their own.

3. Family

This part lists the people they leave behind, usually with the words "survived by", starting with the closest relatives: spouse or partner, then children (often with their spouses in parentheses), then grandchildren and great-grandchildren, then brothers and sisters. After that, "preceded in death by" names close family who died before them, such as parents, a spouse or a child. You can list every grandchild by name or give the number, which saves space in print.

Families are not always simple. Stepchildren, partners who were never married and close friends who were like family can all be included. If there are relationships that are hard to write about, keep the wording plain, and agree it with the people closest to the person before it's published.

4. Service details

Give the type of service, the day, date, time and place, and the name of the funeral home handling arrangements. Mention a visitation or viewing if there is one, and say if the burial is private or family only. If the service will be livestreamed, say where to find the link. If no service is planned, or it will happen later, you can say so: "A celebration of life will be held in the spring."

5. Donations and thanks

Many obituaries end with "In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to..." followed by the name of a charity, church or cause that mattered to the person. Some families also thank the hospice, nurses or caregivers who looked after them. Keep the thanks short and name the people or places involved.

Where obituaries are published

The local newspaper. Most newspapers print obituaries as paid notices and charge by length, by the line or by the word, with an extra charge for a photo. Ask the funeral home or the newspaper for their rates and deadlines before you write, so you know how long to make the printed version.

The funeral home website. Nearly every funeral home posts obituaries on its own website, usually at no extra cost as part of the arrangements, and there is no limit on length. These pages often include a guest book where people can leave messages and share photos.

Online memorial sites. National memorial and obituary sites collect obituaries from newspapers and funeral homes, and some let families post one directly. These pages stay up for a long time and are easy for people in other states to find.

Social media. Many families share the obituary, or a link to the funeral home page, on Facebook or in a group chat. This is often how friends from work, church or school hear the news. If you post it yourself, link to the full version so the service details stay in one place and can be updated if anything changes.

How long should an obituary be?

There is no fixed length. A short newspaper notice might be 100 to 200 words, with the announcement, a sentence or two about their life, the closest family and the service details. A full obituary for a funeral home website is usually 300 to 600 words. Some families write a longer version for online and cut it down for print, which keeps the newspaper cost manageable without losing the life story.

If you need to cut, shorten the life story and give numbers for grandchildren and great-grandchildren instead of listing every name. Keep the full name, age, town and service details, as those are what readers need most.

Choosing a photo

Pick a clear photo of the person's face, taken close up and well lit, where they look like themselves. It doesn't have to be recent. Many families choose a photo from a few years ago, when the person was well, or use two photos, one from when they were young and one later in life. Avoid group photos where the face will be tiny once cropped, and check whether the newspaper prints in color or black and white. The funeral home can usually scan a printed photo for you.

What to leave out

Obituaries are public, and some details in them can be used by people trying to steal the identity of someone who has died or open accounts in their name. To lower that risk, most funeral directors suggest leaving out:

• the exact date of birth (the year, or just the age, is enough)
• the mother's maiden name, since it's often used as a security question
• the person's home address, and anything that shows the house will be empty during the service

You can still name the person's parents in the family section. Many families simply write "born to John and Mary Sutter" without adding the mother's maiden name. This is general advice, and your funeral director can tell you what is usual in your area.

It is also wise to leave out anything the person would have wanted kept private, and family disagreements of any kind. The obituary is a public record, and it will be read by people who knew the person in many different ways.

Should you mention the cause of death?

That's the family's choice, and it's perfectly fine to leave it out. Most obituaries simply say the person "passed away" or "died peacefully". Some families say "after a long illness" or "after a brief illness" without going further. Others name the illness, often because they want to point readers toward a related charity or talk openly about it. If the family isn't agreed, leave it out. You can always share more in a eulogy or in person.

A full example

Here is a complete obituary of about 300 words, of the kind a family might post on a funeral home website and shorten for the newspaper. It follows the order above.

Notice that it gives the year of birth but not the full date, and names her parents only in passing. The details about the zucchini and the pound cake are small, but they are the lines people who knew her will recognize.

More obituary guides