Traditionally, the mother of the bride didn't give a speech at an American wedding. She helped plan the day, sat at the family table and let the father of the bride do the talking. That has changed a lot. Now a mother of the bride might give the welcome toast herself, share it with her husband or partner, or say a few words of her own later in the evening. Some moms are raising their daughters on their own and are the obvious person to speak. Others just want to, and the couple are delighted to have them.
When the mother of the bride speaks
There are a few common ways to fit a mother of the bride speech into the day:
- The welcome toast. She opens the toasts at the reception, welcomes the guests and toasts the couple, in place of the father of the bride.
- A joint toast with the bride's father. One parent welcomes everyone, the other talks about their daughter, and they finish the toast together.
- A separate toast. She speaks after the father of the bride, or later in the evening, with a short toast of her own.
- At the rehearsal dinner. If the reception already has plenty of speakers, the night before can be a better place for her words. The rehearsal dinner speech guide explains how that evening works.
Talk to your daughter and her partner about which they'd prefer, and to the bride's father if he's speaking too. The father of the bride speech guide explains what the welcome toast usually covers, which helps if you're splitting it between you.
What to include
Most mother of the bride speeches cover the following, in roughly this order:
- A short introduction, if some guests don't know you
- A welcome to the guests, and to your daughter's new in-laws by name
- A mention of anyone important who has passed away or couldn't come, if the family would like it
- One or two stories about your daughter, from childhood or more recently
- Something warm and specific about her spouse
- A toast to the couple
If you're giving a separate toast after the welcome, skip the first two and go straight to your daughter.
Talking about your daughter
You know your daughter better than anyone in the room, which can make it hard to choose what to say. Start by writing down memories without worrying about how they'll sound: the things she said as a toddler, what she was like at thirteen, the phone call when she told you she was engaged. Then choose one or two stories that show something true about her now. Guests will get a clearer picture of her from one specific moment than from a description.
It's natural to feel emotional, and guests expect it. If you're worried about crying, put the most personal part near the end, so you've settled into the speech before you get there. Keep a glass of water close by, and don't be afraid to pause.
Keep it kind. Leave out stories about her teenage years that she wouldn't want her new in-laws to hear, and anything about exes.
Welcoming her spouse
Say something specific about the person your daughter is marrying. When did you first meet them? What did you notice? How are they with your daughter, and with the rest of the family? A light story about the first family dinner or a holiday together is ideal. Then tell them you're happy to have them in the family. If your daughter is marrying a woman, the speech works in just the same way.
If you're speaking in place of her father
Some moms give the welcome because the bride's father has died, isn't part of her life, or would simply rather not speak. You don't need to explain why you're the one speaking. If her father has died and your daughter would like him remembered, a sentence near the start is enough. Then carry on with the welcome and your stories as usual. If a stepfather is part of the family, you might thank him or invite him to join you for the toast.
How long to speak
Around three minutes is right, which is roughly 390 words. If you're speaking with the bride's father, aim for four or five minutes between you, and decide ahead of time who will make the toast at the end. The wedding toasts guide has typical lengths for everyone who speaks.
Example: a mother of the bride toast
Diane lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Her daughter Molly is marrying Evan, who is from Toledo, Ohio. Molly's dad gives the welcome, and Diane follows with her own toast.
Hi, everyone. I'm Diane, Molly's mom. Rick has already welcomed you all, so I'm going to skip straight to the part I've been looking forward to, which is talking about my daughter.
Molly was a very determined little girl. When she was six, she announced that she was going to swim across the lake at our cabin near Ludington. It's a fair-sized lake, and she could barely swim a length of the pool. Rick and I said no, of course. So she spent the whole summer swimming a little farther each day, with her dad rowing behind her in the canoe. On the last weekend in August, she made it all the way across. She came out of the water, shivering, and asked if we could go get ice cream.
She's still like that. When she sets her mind on something, she works at it quietly until it's done, whether it's her teaching degree or the garden she's been planting at the house she and Evan bought last spring. She's also the first person any of us call when something goes wrong, because she'll listen and then help you figure it out. When my mother was in the hospital in Muskegon two winters ago, Molly drove up every evening after work to sit with her and do the crossword. My mom still talks about it.
Evan, I remember the first time Molly brought you to our house. It was Christmas Eve, and you'd brought my mother a poinsettia and a box of chocolates, which made you her favorite person in the room within about five minutes. By the end of the night, you were helping Rick put together Molly's nephew's train set on the living room floor. You've been part of the family ever since.
I've watched the two of you together for four years now. You make each other laugh, and you look after each other in a hundred small ways. Evan, you bring her coffee before her early classes. Molly, you've learned more about the Detroit Tigers than I ever thought you would.
To Evan's parents, Mike and Jennifer, thank you for raising such a thoughtful son. We're so glad our families are joining together.
Would you all please raise your glasses. To Molly and Evan.
Tips for giving your speech
- Read it out loud several times before the wedding, and time it once.
- Print it in a large font, or use a few index cards. Reading from notes is completely fine.
- Hold the microphone close and speak slowly, especially at the start.
- Look up at your daughter when you talk about her. It helps you slow down, and the guests will love it.
- Finish with the toast so everyone knows when to raise their glasses.
If the groom's father is speaking at the rehearsal dinner or the reception, you might like to read the father of the groom speech guide too, so you know what he's likely to cover.
Common questions
Does the mother of the bride give a speech?
More and more often, yes. She might give the welcome toast on her own, share it with the bride's father, or give a short toast of her own later in the evening. It's up to her and the couple, and there's no rule against it.
When does the mother of the bride speak?
If she's giving the welcome, she speaks first, soon after the couple's entrance. If her husband or partner gives the welcome, she might speak straight after him, or at the rehearsal dinner the night before. The DJ or emcee will introduce her.
How long should a mother of the bride speech be?
About three minutes, which is roughly 390 words at 130 words a minute. If both parents are speaking together, keep the whole thing to four or five minutes and split it so you each tell different stories.
What if the bride has two moms?
Both moms can speak together, one after the other, or one can give the welcome and the other the toast. Plan it together so you share the stories and don't repeat each other.
Can I use AI to help write my speech?
Yes. Speechmade writes a first draft with AI from your own answers about your daughter and her partner. You can read the opening free and change anything so it sounds like you.