The rehearsal dinner happens after the ceremony run-through, usually the evening before the wedding. The guest list is smaller than the reception: the wedding party, both families, the officiant, and often the guests who've traveled in from out of town. It's a chance for the two families to spend time together before the busy day, and the toasts tend to be warmer and more informal than the ones at the reception.
Who hosts the rehearsal dinner
Traditionally, the groom's parents host. The custom comes from the days when the bride's family paid for the wedding and the groom's family paid for the dinner the night before. That split is much looser now. Some couples host it themselves, some families share it, and a wedding with two brides or two grooms will sort it out however suits them. Whoever is hosting is the person who welcomes everyone and speaks first.
If you're the groom's father, the father of the groom speech guide goes into more detail about what to say, because this is often the main speech you'll give that weekend.
Who speaks, and in what order
The usual order runs something like this:
- The host's welcome. One or both of the groom's parents, or whoever is hosting, welcomes everyone, thanks people for coming and toasts the couple.
- Short toasts from others. The bride's parents might say a few words back. Grandparents, siblings, godparents, old friends and members of the wedding party may add a toast each.
- The couple. Many couples finish by thanking both families and the wedding party, and this is often when they hand out gifts to their attendants.
Some hosts open the floor and let anyone speak who wants to. That can be lovely, but it can also go on for an hour. If you're hosting, it helps to ask a few people ahead of time and let everyone else know that toasts should be short. If you're one of the guests, have your toast ready and keep it to a minute or two.
What to say as the host
A host's welcome usually covers:
- A welcome to everyone, with a mention of anyone who has traveled a long way
- A proper welcome to the other family, by name
- Thanks to anyone who helped plan the dinner or the weekend
- A story or two about your son or daughter, and something about their partner
- A toast to the couple and to the wedding day
Talk to the room as you would to friends at your own table. You don't need a big finish. The rehearsal dinner is the evening when the families get to know each other, so a sentence or two about how glad you are to be joining the other family goes a long way.
What to say, and what to save for the reception
The rehearsal dinner crowd is mostly family and close friends, so you can tell stories that need some background, or that would mean more to the people who were there. Childhood memories, family traditions and the story of how the two families first met all work well the night before.
Save these for the reception, or leave them to the people speaking there:
- The maid of honor's and best man's main stories. If you're one of them, give a short toast now and keep your best material for tomorrow.
- Anything the couple have asked to hear at the wedding itself, such as a reading or a family blessing.
- Big announcements of your own, such as an engagement or a pregnancy. Keep other family news for another weekend.
Some things are best left out at either event: exes, the bachelor or bachelorette party, stories about drinking, and anything that would embarrass the couple in front of their grandparents. A rehearsal dinner can feel like a roast because the crowd is close, but a toast that teases gently and ends with something sincere always goes down better.
Example: a host's welcome from the father of the groom
Curtis is hosting the rehearsal dinner for his son Darius and Darius's fiancée, Allison, at a restaurant in Lafayette, Louisiana. Allison's family have flown in from Salt Lake City. He gives the welcome before dinner is served.
Good evening, everybody. If you haven't met me yet, I'm Curtis, Darius's dad, and this is my wife Monique. We're so glad you're all here tonight.
I want to start with a special welcome to Allison's family. Jim and Linda, you flew in from Salt Lake City yesterday, and I know it was ninety-two degrees when you landed, so thank you for coming anyway. Allison's grandmother Ruth is here too, and she's already asked Monique for her gumbo recipe, which Monique has never given to anyone, including me. So Ruth, you're doing better than I am.
I also want to thank Monique's sister Denise, who found this place, set the menu and has been calling me every day for a month to make sure I'd written this.
Now, a word about Darius. When he was about nine, he decided he was going to build a pirogue in our garage. He had a library book and a pile of plywood from his uncle's shed. It took him the whole summer. When he finally put it in the bayou behind his grandpa's house, it sank in about four minutes. He came home soaking wet, sat down at the kitchen table and started drawing a new one. That's Darius. He doesn't quit on things, and he doesn't get upset when they go wrong. He just starts again with a better plan.
Then, three years ago, he brought Allison home for Thanksgiving. She walked into a house with twenty-two people in it, most of them talking at once, and within an hour she was in the kitchen helping my mother with the cornbread dressing. My mother doesn't let anybody help with the dressing. Monique and I looked at each other, and I think we both knew then.
Allison, you're a kind person, and you keep Darius on schedule, which is something the rest of us have been trying to do for twenty-nine years. We already think of you as family, and tomorrow it'll be official.
Jim and Linda, thank you for raising such a wonderful daughter. We're very happy to be joining your family, and we hope you'll come back and visit us often, maybe in October next time.
So before the food comes out, would you all please raise your glasses. To Darius and Allison, and to tomorrow.
Example: a short toast from a friend
Hana was Allison's roommate at the University of Utah. She isn't in the wedding party, so she gives a short toast after Curtis's welcome.
Hi, everyone. I'm Hana. Allison and I shared a very small dorm room at the University of Utah for two years, so I know her better than most people, including what she's like before her first coffee.
In our second year she taught me to ski. She was very patient, even after I knocked over a whole line of beginners on the bunny slope. That's how she is with the people she loves.
When she started dating Darius, she told me he was from Louisiana, and I asked her if that meant he'd teach her to cook. She said, "No, it means his mom will." And she was right. Monique, I've been hearing about your cooking for three years, and after tonight I understand.
What I noticed first about Darius was that he listened to her. Allison talks fast when she's excited, and she's excited a lot. He never tried to hurry her along. He'd just wait, and then ask a question that showed he'd heard every word. I remember telling her after the first time I met him that she should keep this one.
Thank you, Curtis and Monique, for having us all here tonight. It's been lovely to meet so many of you.
So, to Allison and Darius. I can't wait to watch you get married tomorrow.
If you're the couple
Many couples say a few words at the end of the rehearsal dinner. Keep it short and informal. Thank the hosts for the dinner, thank both families, and say something to the wedding party, especially if you're giving them their gifts that evening. You'll have a chance to thank the guests at the reception tomorrow, so there's no need to name everyone tonight. If one of you is more comfortable speaking, it's fine for that person to do most of the talking while the other adds a line at the end.
Tips for giving a rehearsal dinner toast
- Stand up so people at other tables can see and hear you. Restaurants rarely have a microphone, so speak a little louder and slower than feels natural.
- Wait for a natural pause, such as just before the food arrives or after the plates have been cleared.
- Go easy on the drinks before you speak. There's a long day tomorrow for everyone.
- Have a few notes on a card. It's fine to read from them.
- End with the toast itself, so people know when to raise their glasses.
For how the toasts fit together across the whole weekend, see the wedding toasts guide. If you're the bride's father giving a welcome at the reception the next day, read the father of the bride speech guide.
Common questions
Who gives the speech at a rehearsal dinner?
The host speaks first. Traditionally that's the groom's father or both of the groom's parents, because the groom's family usually hosts the dinner. After the welcome, other guests often give short toasts, and the couple may finish by thanking everyone.
How long should a rehearsal dinner speech be?
The host's welcome can run two to four minutes. Toasts from other guests should be shorter, one or two minutes each. At 130 words a minute, a two-minute toast is about 260 words, which is less than a single printed page.
Is the rehearsal dinner speech the same as the reception toast?
No. The rehearsal dinner is smaller and more relaxed, so it suits family stories and people who won't be speaking at the wedding. The maid of honor and best man usually save their main toasts for the reception, although they may say a few words the night before too.
What if both families are hosting the rehearsal dinner?
Then one person from each side can give a short welcome, or one parent can speak for both families. Plenty of couples host the rehearsal dinner themselves now, in which case they usually welcome everyone and thank the people who've traveled.
Can I use AI to write a rehearsal dinner toast?
Yes. Speechmade writes a first draft with AI from your own answers about the couple and the families. You can read the opening free and change anything so it sounds like you.